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Re: Windows EULA 'Translated' into Simple English

__/ [ Mathew P. ] on Sunday 07 May 2006 10:34 \__

> Hash: SHA1
> On 2006-05-07, Roy Schestowitz spake thusly:
>> __/ [ Mathew P. ] on Sunday 07 May 2006 08:52 \__
>>> Hash: SHA1
>>> On 2006-05-06, unionpenny@xxxxxxxxx spake thusly:
>>>> I have noticed that MS doesn't really advertise their software for any
>>>> purpose. They give the impression of great things you can do with it,
>>>> but mostly it is a "Joe Camel" style of message.  You will be cool, or
>>>> an office hero, or something, but not "Office is for" anything.
>>> I can see it all now .....
>>> Senator: "Mr Gates, did you, or anyone that worked with you or under you,
>>> have any knowledge at any time, that Windows or it's products, were
>>> harmful to the users health, or by so using, they might suffer ill
>>> effects?"
>>> (lawyer puts hand over microphone and whispers into the ear of Mr.
>>> Gates)
>>> Mr. Gates: Mr Senator, I respectfully invoke my rights as gauranteed to
>>> me by the fifth amendment.
>>> Six months later ......
>>> Seattle Journal of Commerce:
>>> And in other news, Microsoft chairman and founder Bill Gates was found
>>> to be resposible for the pain and suffering of millions of computer
>>> users worldwide through his Windows line of software products. The
>>> special senate investigative commission determined that the software
>>> giant did knowingly influence young, impressionable, and older, but
>>> computer inexperienced, potential users to use thier product, with the
>>> employment of such psycological conditioning techniques as friendly
>>> multicolored floating window icons, and animated, talking paperclips.
>> This neglects to mention harm done to those that surround them (think
>> /smoking/). What about SPAM and DDOS attacks? What about viruses floating
>> /en masse/ and draining valuable resources that could otherwise be used by
>> Google's Linux-based datacentres to better serve humanity?
>>> Microsoft (NASDAQ MSFT) was ordered by the commission in it's summary,
>>> to discontinue use of all such psycological marketing teqniques based
>>> on style, logo recognition, or non-function based artificial appeal,
>>> including, but not restricted to, their mulitcolored floating flag icon,
>>> and animated paperclip. Included in the order was a prohibition against
>>> displaying or promoting any of their products in areas where minors might
>>> have access to them without supervision. Minimum useage age continues
>>> to be under discussion with the commission. Microsoft was futher banned
>>> from advertising any of their product line across electronic broadcast
>>> media such as television, or satellite radio (see section 2266.53445
>>> subsection 34 of FCC regulatory rules and guidelines for definitions). In
>>> a statement, Steven A. Ballmer, chief executive officer of Microsoft
>>> corporation, said, "I was the first business manager hired by Bill Gates,
>>> and joined the team in 1980. Through agressive unethical and ruthless
>>> business practices, which some have irresponsibly called 'monopolistic',
>>> We have come to be the worlds leading manufacturer of software for
>>> personal and business computing." Mr. Ballmer paused, and the press noted
>>> that his head was sweating profusely. Continuing his statement, he said,
>>> "Mr. Gates could not be here today, but he wished me to assure the users
>>> of, and investors in, Microsoft, that the quality of it's products could
>>> not possibly get any worse, even in the face of the clearly biased, and
>>> unfair persecution perpetrated by the commission.
>>> Microsoft was ordered to include warning labels on all products in plain
>>> language that indicated the dangers of using their products. The
>>> Font size was predetermined, and several choices of messages were
>>> made availble by the commission.
>> I thought about this one before...
>> http://schestowitz.com/Weblog/archives/2005/11/21/windows-is-smoking/
>>                 (Apologies in advance to smokers. I was merely trying
>>                  to make a point and I lost family members to smoking)
>> Best wishes,
>> Roy
> Good OP piece, Roy. Sorry to hear about the loss in your family.
> Um.. you do know this was a humor piece, right?

Yes, of course. *smile*

Another  intersting analogy I can think of would involve some law you have
in  the  States.  I believe there is something that's called  a  "cool-off
period"  when one buys a gun at the shop? Was it 7 days and applicable  in
all states?

Anyway,  whenever a box with Windows pre-installed is bought, it will only
be  shipped or handed over to its rightful owner (no, not Microsoft,  they
just  own  your  *data*)  after 7 days. When  Windows  is  installed  from
scratch,  the  system  will accordingly stall for 7 days,  as  well.  This
permits the user to spend 7 whole days hunting for anti-virus software and
seeking  a  neighbour  who is competent with Windows. Handling it  can  be
rather hard and at times it leads to sobbing.

Best wishes,


Roy S. Schestowitz      | Reversi for Linux/Win32: http://othellomaster.com
http://Schestowitz.com  |  Open Prospects   ¦     PGP-Key: 0x74572E8E
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